Pro Se is a Better Way

I have been a divorce attorney for more than 30 years. Before that, I worked in the office of a judge who primarily handled divorces. I've seen a lot over the years, some good and some bad.

Over the last several years, one positive force in family law has stuck out; the ever-increasing popularity of pro se mediation. We have seen a significant increase in mediation cases around Carmel, Fishers, and other Indianapolis suburbs.

Frankly, pro se is the best option for most divorcing couples. Most of the time, the two parties want the proceedings to be fair and painless. In this circumstance, pro se is the best choice - there is no need for legal representation during negotiations and certainly no need to litigate.

Professionally, I prefer the efficient, straightforward manner of pro se cases over the long, drawn-out process that lawyers can sometimes instigate.

Pro se mediation, or self-representation mediation, allows divorcing couples to work out their differences without requiring teams of expensive lawyers and time-consuming court battles. Here are some of the reasons why pro se mediation can be a successful option for many divorcing couples.

Cost

Pro se mediation is a less expensive option than going to court. With court costs and attorney fees, divorce proceedings can quickly become a financial burden. However, by engaging in pro se mediation, couples can save thousands of dollars and still reach a mutually satisfactory agreement.

Efficiency

Pro se mediation is a faster process than going to court. When couples take their divorce to court, they often face a backlog of cases and long wait times. Pro se mediation, on the other hand, allows couples to resolve their differences promptly. 

Collaboration

Thirdly, pro se mediation is a more collaborative process than going to court. In court, each spouse is represented by their own attorney, which can create an adversarial atmosphere. As a pro se mediator, it is my job to understand both parties and help derive a compromise that is agreed upon - not forced upon - by all.

This collaborative approach can lead to better outcomes and a more amicable divorce.

Control

Pro se mediation allows couples to maintain control over the outcome of their divorce. In court, a judge decides how to divide assets, determine child custody, and more. In pro se mediation, it is my duty to help the couple work together to create a plan that works for them. This allows them to control their future and avoid a one-size-fits-all solution.

It is true the pro se only works for some cases. Sometimes you need a lawyer! But over the years, I've learned that most of the time, the couple themselves are the only ingredient required to work out an agreement.

If you are separated or divorcing, please consider pro se mediation. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to contact us.

All About Pro Se Mediation

Don't be discouraged by the fancy name, Pro Se Mediation is just a legal term to say that two people come into the office and work together to devise a plan for their family.  Pro Se is a Latin term for "one's self." Pro Se Mediation refers to mediation sessions where each party doesn't have their own legal representative. There are many circumstances where this approach is superior to other options for clients around Indianapolis and the entire state of Indiana.

Pro Se Mediation is used to develop the terms of legal separations, dissolutions, or post-nuptial agreements. They can even be helpful for pre-nuptial agreements.

At Carmel Family Law, we find that Pro Se Mediations work best when the individuals have an idea of what they want to accomplish and can clearly articulate their wishes to the mediator. If the relationship between the parties is contentious, or there is a significant separation between each party's wishes, there may be better choices than Pro Se Mediation.

We like to turn to Pro Se Mediation whenever possible because it has many advantages over alternatives.

Pro Se Mediation's most significant advantage is that we can achieve a successful agreement at a much lower cost than other mediation techniques or litigation. Pro Se eliminates the cost of each party hiring their own attorney. It also saves time by removing the discovery process and court appearances - saving on hours of attorney fees, filing fees, and the investment of time to complete everything.

The actual mediations occur with the mediator and can be accomplished with both parties in a single room. In this configuration, the mediator sits down with the parties and mediates the conversation - striving to find common ground between both parties with everyone present.

It is also common for the parties to wish to be separated during the mediation. In this configuration, the parties will stay in separate rooms, and the mediator will move back and forth to find common ground.

Most mediations take place over several sessions. This allows the parties and the mediator to work through all the issues without feeling a time crunch. Spacing out the process allows the parties time to reflect and make decisions based on outcomes, not emotions.

Once the general parameters of the agreement are final, it is the mediator's responsibility to prepare all the documents and paperwork that the Court will require to finalize the process. The mediator will ensure that all the "I's" are dotted and the "T's" are crossed - according to the agreement reached by the parties.

If you have made it this far, you are likely wondering: Is Pro Se Mediation the right choice for you? Follow the guidelines below:

1. Do you have a good idea of what you want in your separation agreement or dissolution decree?

2. Would you prefer to reach an agreement without arguing, clashing, and name-calling?

3. Are you willing to let a mediator - not a court - find common ground between you and the other party in a productive manner?

If you answered yes to the questions above, Pro Se Mediation is worth considering. It is generally a more pleasant process and comes at a much lower cost - financially and emotionally.

Lastly, in circumstances where children are involved, Pro Se Mediation sets a standard for a successful co-parenting relationship because it relies on collaboration from the start.

If you are considering Pro Se Mediation, please don't hesitate to contact us directly. We'll cover all the options and help you pick a process best aligned with your specific situation.

Holiday Co-Parenting Tips

The holidays are rapidly approaching, which usually means a stressful time for families that have separated, divorced, or are in the process. Children have good memories of previous holidays, and many feel the loss of their family even more so during this time. 

How do you protect your children from all this stress?

• Remember that the holidays are for family. If you can be civil or friendly with the other parent, consider celebrating the holidays together. If that’s not possible, try establishing new traditions that the kids will remember and look forward to each year.

• Don’t speak ill of the other parent, and don’t allow your family to bad mouth the other parent either. Allow your child(ren) to express their love for the other parent.

• Be aware that your child(ren), and yourself, may have a wide range of feelings during the holidays. It’s ok to have these feelings. Talk about them and work through them together.

• SLOW DOWN! You’ll feel the need to have your child(ren) visit all their relatives while they’re with you during the holidays, but this may not always be feasible. Rushing around to accomplish this may lead to more stress on your children.

• Take care of yourself! Exercise, eat healthily, get sleep, enjoy time with friends… relax. Your child(ren) will reflect your mood; if you’re calm, they are calm.

• Make travel fun. If you are traveling for the holidays, bring along activities. Stay positive, laugh, and make good memories.

• Share the kid(s) – even when it’s “your time” with them. Let your child(ren) talk to or see the other parent if they ask. There is a good chance they will miss them, and not allowing them to talk/see the other parent will make them more upset.

• Communicate, coordinate and be flexible. Be sure to communicate with your co-parent about holiday schedule(s) early on. Be very specific on dates and times, and be prepared to make any necessary last-minute changes.

• Plan gifts. Talk to each other about what gifts you plan on getting the child(ren) so that you aren’t duplicating them. Avoid trying to “outdo” each other.

• Ask what your kid(s) want. Include your kid(s) on holiday plans. Ask them what they want to do and who they want to see. While this may not be a conventional way of doing things, it will show the kid(s) that their feelings also matter.

• Stop-Look-Listen. Stop yourself from reacting with anger. Take a deep breath and recognize your feelings. Look at all your options before responding. Choose the option that will produce the best outcome. Listen to yourself and choose a response that shows understanding and kindness.

All About Child and Adult Guardianships in Indiana

All About Guardianships in Indiana

Guardianships are legal processes developed to support individuals who cannot care for themselves due to infancy, disability, or incapacitation. Generally speaking, a court will appoint an individual as a guardian for the person or the estate. This person could be a friend or relative willing to accept the high burden and duties that guardianships require.

Guardianships are ordered for minors or adults. They can apply to the care of the person, their estate, or both.

Child Guardianships

Child Guardianships generally apply when the parents of a child are deceased, unwilling, or unable to fulfill their parental duties. They can be for short or long periods. Most child guardianships end when the child becomes an adult. At this point, an adult guardianship may be needed if the individual cannot care for themselves.

Guardianships for a person entail responsibility for caring for the wellbeing of the individual. The guardian has the authority to handle educational, healthcare, and religious upbringing affairs with the same legal rights as a parent.

It is important to note that guardianships do not take away parental rights. Courts will defer to parents when they feel it is in the best interest of the child.

Guardianships can also apply only to the estate of a child. This type of guardianship applies most frequently when a minor receives are a large sum of money through inheritance or personal injury settlement. The court will order that money be held in a guardianship account, and the guardian will have the legal authority to disburse funds in the interest of the child.

It is wise to hold these funds in a restricted account, which requires a court order for disbursement. This process serves as a check-and-balance against the estate guardian and ensures the funds are used only for the minor.

In most circumstances, child guardianships end when the minor becomes an adult.

Adult Guardianships

Adult guardianships are used to support disabled or incapacitated adults. Like child guardianships, they can be for the person or their estate. Guardians are responsible for financial, educational, and healthcare decisions. For example, guardians may handle Federal & State Benefits on behalf of the ward.

Guardianships entail a court-ordered fiduciary duty. Guardians are held to a very high standard and are required to make bi-annual reports to the state. Being a guardian is a very rewarding experience, but not one to be taken lightly.

Other options

Guardianships are not always the best option. Courts will pursue the least intrusive remedy to help the individual. In some cases, a Healthcare Power of Attorney or General Durable Power of Attorney is a better solution than guardianship.

At Carmel Family Law, we have extensive experience with Power of Attorney, custody, and guardianship issues. Please reach out to us for a consultation on the best option for you and your family.

Pros and Cons of Guardianship in Indiana

A guardianship is a legal proceeding that appoints a person to take care of a minor or individual and/or manage that person's assets and affairs.

Guardianships in Indiana cover a multitude of people with various incapacities or disabilities. The incapacity may be due to age - as is the case with persons under 18. Additionally, it could be due to disability, temporary or permanent cognitive issues, and advanced age. Courts in Indiana are cautious in establishing guardianships because laws are written to protect people from limitations of their freedoms. Courts are wary in giving others the ability to make decisions affecting another individual. Guardianships can be temporary -up to 90 days - or permanent - until further court order. It is important to remember that guardianship is never truly permanent. A court can always remove guardianship if the individual regains the capacity to make their own decisions.

The selection of a guardian is critical. A guardian cannot have a felony conviction and must show that he/she is the best-suited person to serve. The wishes of the parents are an important consideration in cases involving minors. For example, in their Last Will and Testament, parents may nominate the guardian they choose in the event of their deaths. For an incapacitated adult, the parents are often appointed guardians with a successor - such as a sibling. In the event of incapacity due to age or illness, the court will want to see a spouse, child, or other relative petition for guardianship.

Guardians must be trustworthy and able to make decisions based on the incapacitated person's best interests. They must act in the best interest of the incapacitated person. Guardians also have a fiduciary duty to the incapacitated person. For example, parents who become guardians of their incapacitated adult child carry a fiduciary duty. They are no longer just caring for their child as parents; they are legal fiduciaries. As a fiduciary, the guardian has a legal obligation to provide care and support. If care and support are not appropriate, they answer to an Indiana court.

There are alternatives to guardianship; two common alternatives are the General Durable Power of Attorney and/or Healthcare Power of Attorney. These much less restrictive measures allow the individual to continue to make decisions as long as he/she can do so. Decisions regarding guardianship can be made while an individual is able to, and then allows the attorney-in-fact to act on the individual's behalf or, if necessary, request an appointment as guardian.

There are several considerations regarding guardianship that require careful thought. As an Indiana Attorney focused on family law matters, I am happy to talk through these considerations and help you with guardianship and/or powers of attorney. Please contact me for more information.