A big thank-you to Michelle Gambs for guest writing this post on our blog. Michelle is a local parenting coach and private practice psychotherapist with a master’s degree in counseling.
-Janice
In our modern world of social media and perfectionism, parents everywhere are looking for a way to become a better parent.
Parenting is complex to say the least, so if you’re looking for some relief from this difficult and at times, seemingly impossible job, here it is!
It’s a concept that I call, Stay Away From “D” and it’s a message that I want all parents to know about.
The following article is an excerpt from my 5-week parenting course on Redirecting Children’s Behavior.
I’ve published a video explaining the concept you can watch below.
The concept gives you permission to be human, make mistakes and to find comfort and relief in the fact that you do not have to be perfect!
Nor should you strive to be.
So what does it mean to Stay Away From “D”?
Well, it is a very simple concept that gives 4 basic options to any situation that we may encounter as we parent our children.
Here’s the 4 scenarios.
A- Best Case Scenario
Is the best-case, textbook scenario.
It’s the one that might seem perfect for the situation at hand.
And in order to use this you have to have the tools in your toolbox so you can implement this option.
So if you have the time, patience and resources.
B- The Good Enough Option
Here is where you give yourself a break!
In every day life, this is the scenario where you say to yourself, “this is all I got” right now.
Given that I am low on sleep, behind at work or school, and I have a barking dog in the background while I’m trying to cook dinner… I just cannot handle it right now.
So I’m just going to do my best and not beat myself up over it.
C- Do No Harm
Is the option where you choose to remove yourself from the situation because you just need a break.
You need time to regain your composure!
Perhaps something happened and you feel that you may react inappropriately or do something that may have lasting negative consequences so you just need to take a break from it all.
Remember that you’re 100% responsible for what you say and what you do no matter what is said or done to me.
D- Harm To Your Child
This is the scenario where you have found yourself in a situation where you may hurt, shame, yell, or otherwise cause permanent emotional or physical damage to your child.
This is the one option out of the 4 that you should do whatever it takes, to avoid at ALL costs!
Stay away from option “D” which is causing harm to your child!
So next time you find yourself in a difficult position, remember to engage in any of the options, except D.
If you stay within options A, B, or C, you are doing a great job at parenting and that’s all anyone can ask for.
Michelle Gambs is a parenting coach and private practice psychotherapist with a masters degree in counseling. She calls herself a Hoosier Texan as she has spent her childhood in Indiana with a degree from Notre Dame, and ten years of her adulthood as a Texan. She is a yogi/camino walkin’ mother of two fabulous young adults.
She teaches an Indianapolis based 5-week parenting course titled “Redirecting Children’s Behavior”.
The grand experiment of parenting is sponsored by her two children, Grace and Charlie. During the most desperate stages of parenting, she has been known to post on the bathroom mirror the quote, “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.”
Michelle is also the host of a popular parenting podcast, called ParentED and can be found on Youtube.